Shattered Pieces
by Skyknight1987
Summary: "I really thought you were good for him. I thought you were making him better. And now?" Alexis laughed harshly,"I'd rather have the immature playboy than the zombie you left me with." AU. Post Rise. Kate finds out that bonds that are hard to break are even harder to fix once they are broken.
1. Alexis

_**A/N - A twist in the usual Rise AUs. The stories of what Castle had to have gone through during the interim months have been written exhaustively, with every possible angle. And most of them end more or less the same way, with Castle meekly following Kate back to the precinct without any real heat. No one seems to have given much thought to how rough it would have been for Alexis to watch her father wallow in misery, since she is apparently just as protective of him as he is of her. And **_**she**_** would not have forgiven Kate so easily.**_

* * *

><p><em>Here we are, seven days<em>

_And seven nights of empty tries_

_It's ritual, habitual_

_But it's never gonna work this time_

_We're to the point of no return_

_And along the way the only thing we've learned_

_Is how to hurt each other._

_**Something That I Already Know**_

_**Backstreet Boys**_

* * *

><p><em>"Josh help you with that?" Castle asked sarcastically.<em>

_Kate stared back at him. She had pictured this encounter a thousand times, in a million different ways. But of all the scenarios she had come up with, none were like this._

_His eyes bored into her, awaiting her reply, but really looking like he didn't care. It was as if he didn't care about her reasons, he just wanted to hear what excuse she was going to come up with. Because, in his mind, that was all they were. Excuses. She could say anything she liked, try to justify her actions any way she wanted, it would make no difference to the end result. Or maybe he just wanted to hear her confirm what he had been dreading all summer._

_She searched his eyes for some sign of familiarity. Some sign of empathy. There was none. His face, his whole being, was as closed to her as a shut door. The expression on his face was cold and remote, and for the first time in a long while, she had no idea what he was thinking._

_The irony of the situation hit her. All this time he had been the one who tried to bring down the walls surrounding her heart. Now he was the one who had erected walls around himself, specifically to guard against her. And this time, she was the one who was trying to get inside, to no avail. She searched her mind for something to say, but she could come up with nothing._

_"We broke up," she said finally. She turned and walked away, hurt by the contempt in his voice. Unmindful of where she was going, she walked into the park on the other side of the road and sat down on one of the swings, twisting her fingers around the chains. She figured that she should probably have stayed and faced up to everything she had been dreading for the past three months. She had thought she was prepared for this, but she wasn't._

_She ran everything she was going to say to him through her mind while she waited for him to come after her. Even in her own mind, it sounded weak and stupid, but it was the best she could come up with. Words were his forte, not hers._

_She waited on the swing, staring at the ground, tensing in anticipation every time she heard footsteps approach, sagging in disappointment as it turned out to be a false alarm. Seconds turned into minutes. For half an hour Kate waited for him, to no avail. Finally she dared to lift her head in order to scan the park. Nothing. He wasn't coming._

_She pushed off the swing and walked back to the spot where she had left him. He wasn't there. He hadn't followed her._

_He hadn't followed her._

_As Kate stood, struck numb by the realization, she started to fear that maybe he didn't want to follow her around anymore. Maybe everything she had done to keep him at a distance had worked better than she had intended it to. It made little difference now. She was reaping the fruits of what she had sowed with her own hands, and it was a bitter harvest._

* * *

><p>That was how Kate found herself standing outside Castle's loft, staring at the door. After her encounter she had contemplated following him back to the loft, but lost her nerve at the last moment. She had texted him several times, getting error messages in each case. Finally she bit the bullet and called him, only to get a pleasant automatic message explaining about certain 'restrictions' on Castle's phone which would not allow her call to go through.<p>

In other words, Castle had blocked her number from his phone.

She spent another agonizing day working up the nerve to try again. Both Ryan and Esposito refused point blank to call Castle on her behalf. Ryan, in an uncharacteristic display of bluntness, told her that it was her mess to clean up, and that he wasn't doing her dirty work for her. Castle deserved better than that.

Taking a deep breath, Kate steeled herself and rang the doorbell. Stepping back, she waited for the door to open, pondering the ridiculousness of her situation. She had faced dangerous criminals, hardened murderers, both in gunfights and in the interrogation room. And this little talk was making her sweat more than any of the other incidences.

_"I'll get it, Dad,"_ came a muffled voice from the other side of the door, causing Kate to stiffen.

_Alexis_.

She had come prepared to talk to Castle. Alexis's presence threw all her preparation out the window. But before she could steel herself, the door flew open and she came face to face with Mini-Castle.

Alexis had her usual chirpy face on. One look at Kate and her eyes widened in shock, and the laugh slid off her face like condensation off a glass bottle.

_"Alexis, who is it?"_

"It's just Paige, Dad. Go back to your writing." Alexis called back without missing a beat. She closed the door and turned to face Kate with an uncharacteristic stony expression as she crossed her arms and stood between the door and Kate.

Shielding her father, from Kate. And denying Kate access to him.

"Hi, Alexis," Kate said awkwardly.

"What do you want?" Alexis bit out.

"Huh…what?" Kate was taken aback. Alexis had never talked to her like that.

"You wouldn't be here unless there was something you wanted," Alexis said evenly. "Well, what is it?"

Kate took a deep breath. "Can I talk to your father?"

"No."

Kate looked at her startled. "Why not?"

_"Because I fucking say so,"_ Alexis hissed aggressively. Kate took a step back. She had never heard Alexis use profanity before. She had never seen Alexis so angry before either.

"If you're mad at me for not calling, fine. I'm sorry. But I told your father…"

"It's not just that," Alexis said curtly.

"Well then, what is it?" Now Kate was starting to get annoyed herself.

"You lied," Alexis said quietly.

Kate blinked. "Excuse me?"

Alexis looked straight into Kate's eyes. "You lied to Dad when you told him that you didn't remember the shooting." Lie was a loaded word, and she used it deliberately.

Kate felt like she had been punched in the gut. Her mouth opened automatically to deny, but one look at Alexis' stone cold face and the words died in her throat. Finally she dropped her gaze, unable to look Alexis in the eye.

"How did you know?" she asked at last.

"I didn't," came the curt reply. Kate's eyes flew up to find Alexis smiling humorlessly at her. "But I'm certain now."

_Caught_.

Kate took a deep breath, "Alexis, it's really complicated…"

"So uncomplicate it for me."

Kate searched for the words, but they refused to come. She hadn't been able to find the words when her father questioned her about her pseudo-relationship with Castle, she hadn't been able to find the words when Lanie confronted her about her feelings, and she couldn't find the words now. So she resorted to the same tactics that she had always employed.

"Alexis, I can't have this discussion right now. I'm…I'm just not ready." That was safe, to withdraw from an uncomfortable situation, withdraw very, very far away, which would give her time to erect her walls and to prepare her defences before she could confront the cause of her discomfort.

Except Alexis was having none of that.

"Well, that's too bad," Alexis said coolly. "Because I'm not letting you see my father otherwise, and Dad just ran into an old girlfriend today, and I may just decide to play matchmaker."

Kate looked at Alexis incredulously, unable to believe what she had heard. One look at Alexis' face told her that she was _very_ serious. If Kate walked out, Alexis would follow through with her threat with absolutely no hesitation. And it was a threat. Did Alexis have enough pull over her father to make him walk away from Kate forever? Kate didn't know. She had a feeling she didn't _want_ to know.

"I know what you're thinking." Alexis said suddenly, almost casually. "You're wondering whether I'm actually capable of carrying out my threat. And I'll be honest, I'm not really sure. I mean he's got it pretty bad for you, but I have one tiny advantage." She leaned forward and said softly, "I've had him wrapped around my little finger fifteen years longer than you have."

"So the question you should be asking yourself," Alexis continued as she leaned back against the doorframe, "is whether you're willing to take the risk that I am bluffing. So," there was a glint in Alexis' eyes that Kate did not at all like, "you feeling lucky, Detective?"

Kate stared at Alexis in numb disbelief. She wasn't used to being pushed like this. Castle had never pushed her like this. Usually just the threat of retreating behind her walls was enough to make him back off, but that wasn't going to work on Alexis. Kate had no power over her, and Alexis had no qualms about being ruthless. She had nothing to lose if Kate walked out of her father's life, and Kate had a feeling that right now Alexis didn't care if she dropped off the face of the earth. Indeed she might even welcome it.

Kate let out a sigh. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to make a choice," Alexis said evenly. "If you want to be with my father, be with him, or else just let him go."

Kate closed her eyes and hunched her shoulders. Did she want that, to be with Castle, in a no holds barred, everything or nothing sort of way? The prospect made her shiver. Whether in ecstasy or terror, she didn't know.

"Alexis," she muttered, "I'm just not sure I can handle that right now."

Silence.

Kate opened her eyes and found Alexis staring hard at her.

"It's always about you isn't it?" Alexis said evenly. "_Your_ life, _your_ case, _your_ feelings, _your_ insecurity, _you_ need time, _you're_ ready, _you're_ not ready, what _you_ want, what _you_ don't want, when _you_ want it to happen, until _you_ want it to happen, if _you_ want it to happen. Would it kill you to put someone else before yourself for a change?" There was that humorless smile again. "It might come as a shock to you, _Detective_, but a partnership is supposed to be about give and take. It's not just about what you want, Dad gets a say in this too. It you're not prepared to give that," she shrugged, seemingly unconcerned, "then end the partnership. It's your life after all. If you don't think that you can give Dad what he wants from you, fine, it's your choice. No hard feelings. But then _you_ don't get to expect anything from Dad either. If you think you can just string him along and take your own sweet time while expecting him to be there for you at every turn, you've got another think coming. He might let you. _I_ won't."

"I've never led him on." Kate said, stung. But Alexis' words hit her like a sledgehammer. What right _did_ she have to expect anything from Rick when she couldn't give him what he wanted?

"I'm sure Josh would be delighted to hear that," Alexis replied coolly.

The words hit Kate like a slap to the face. "Leave Josh out of this," she seethed.

"Oh, did I hit a nerve?" Alexis said with fake concern. "You're right. It was insensitive of me. If I care about your feelings I shouldn't mention him." Her face twisted into a mocking smile. "But hey guess what? I _don't_ care about your feelings."

"What has Josh got to do with anything?" Kate asked, fighting to keep her voice even.

Alexis crossed her arms over her chest. "The first summer, when Dad went to the Hamptons with Gina," she said quietly, "you were with Demming at the time. Dad asked if you wanted to come, but you declined. It took you until the last minute to work up the nerve to tell Dad that you had broken up with Demming, but you were just a few seconds too late. And by the time he came back, you had found yourself another boy toy." She paused for a moment, and then continued with a note of derision in her voice, "Sure didn't take you long to find a replacement, huh?"

Kate gaped at her, "That's… how did you…" The words got lost from her throat.

"You're not the only one at the precinct that I have in my contact list," Alexis said calmly. "I have a knack for guilt tripping people into telling me what I want to know." She paused. "You know what really galls me? You expect Dad to wait for you, for however long it takes, when you couldn't even wait _one summer_. Scratch that, you couldn't even be bothered to make a call and tell him. You could've had him anytime you wanted. All you had to do was pick up the phone and make a call. Was even _that_ too much for your tender and oh-so-hurt feelings?"

The silence that fell following that exchange was deafening.

"So did Dad ever mean anything to you or was he just supposed to be number three on your list?"

Kate's eyes widened. _"What?"_

"After the way you dumped first Demming and then Josh, forgive me if I'm skeptical."

"You've got some nerve." Kate snarled. "I dumped them both_ because I wanted to be with your father."_

"You dumped them because you were done with them." Alexis rebutted. "You wanted to move on. How do I know that you won't get tired and want to move on from Dad?"

"Okay, so I have a few breakups in my past." Kate said with a huff. "Your father has _two failed marriages."_

"The first one ended because my mother cheated on him, the second one ended because my stepmother had no time for him," Alexis said, looking out the window. "You're right though. Dad does seem to have a knack for choosing women who take him for granted."

The insinuation in her voice was clear.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Kate asked in a steady voice.

"What it means," Alexis said, turning back to Kate, "is that I had hoped that you would break the pattern, but it looks like the jinx is still holding strong."

Of all the verbal blows Alexis had dealt her, that one hit the hardest.

"I really thought you were good for him," Alexis said in a low voice. "I thought you were making him better. And now?" she laughed harshly, "I'd rather have the immature playboy version than the zombie version you left me with."

_Zombie?_ Kate thought startled. Just what condition had she left him in?

"How was he after…after I left?" Kate asked, hesitatingly. She wasn't sure she wanted to know, but she couldn't _not_ know.

"_Nooooow_ she asks," Alexis said mockingly, "Took you long enough."

"Dammit Alexis, just tell me."

Alexis was silent for a long time. When she spoke again, her voice was a low whisper.

"It was awful. When you were hit, he…he just lost his mind. Ryan and Esposito literally had to pry him away from your stretcher so that the doctors could wheel you into surgery. He stood outside the door to the ER the entire time, whispering about how it was all his fault. We all tried to calm him down but I don't think he even heard us. For all the good it did, we might not have been there at all. The doctors wouldn't tell us how you were doing, and we had to wait until your father got here. It took forever just to get a hold of him and even longer before he got here." She stopped. "You were in surgery for over twenty hours. He stayed outside the whole time the whole time. He was the only one who stayed around the clock, other than your father. He didn't have a bite to eat, and I don't think he even got any sleep until the doctors came out and told us that you were out of danger."

Alexis paused for a moment and then continued with a touch of derision in her voice. "Your _boyfriend_," she almost spat out of the word, "came out halfway demanding to know what exactly happened to you. _That_ I can understand. If I had been in his shoes I would've been upset too. Seems like he found out that you had hidden quite a bit from him and he didn't like it." She shot Kate a nasty grin. "But that doesn't give him the right to punch my father."

"He did what? Kate demanded, startled.

"You heard me," Alexis said coolly.

Kate stared at her. "So that was how he got that black eye? He got into a brawl with Rick? In a hospital?"

"You could say that, yeah." Alexis said with a shrug. "Except Dad didn't give him the black eye." She stared hard at Kate. "_I_ did."

Kate looked at Alexis in disbelief. "You did what?"

"I don't take kindly to people who manhandle my friends or my family."

It seemed incredible that Alexis, sweet, good natured _Alexis_, could have that much venom in her. It had to have been one savage right hook, to have caused the kind of bruising that Kate saw on Josh's face. Kate wasn't sure if even _she_ could have thrown a punch capable of causing that much damage.

"You know what they say about redheads and their tempers? Well, it's true," Alexis said coolly. "I've just been careful never to reveal that side of me to any of the people who matter to me."

Which obviously didn't include Kate anymore.

"What's the matter, _Detective_, you don't believe me?" Alexis asked, with that unnerving glint in her eyes. "I'd be more than happy to give you a firsthand demonstration if you like."

Kate had had enough.

"Listen Alexis, I had a lot on my mind okay?" she said, making an effort to keep her voice steady. "My Captain was murdered. Right after I found out that he knew who ordered my mother killed. I took a bullet in the ribs and broke up with my boyfriend. _After_ a lengthy hospital stay. I was going through a lot, and I just didn't have the time _or_ the inclination to play babysitter to your father."

That was when Alexis finally snapped.

A swift blur of movement was all the warning Kate had before Alexis' punch caught her under her left eye. The force of the blow caused her head to snap back and hit the wall of the stairwell, causing her to lose her balance and crash to the floor in a surprised heap.

She looked up to see Alexis standing over her, rubbing her fist. If she had looked angry before, it was nothing compared to the sheer fury now spread across her face. Kate reached up to feel the rapidly swelling skin under her eye, which served to confirm what she _thought_ had taken place.

"You hit me," she said to Alexis in disbelief.

"I've wanted to hit you for _months_, you arrogant, self-centered, self-impressed bitch," Alexis snarled. "Babysitting? _Babysitting?_ Is that what you think it is? You have any idea what condition he was in when you decided to just up and disappear?"

"Alexis..."

"The day he came back after meeting you from the hospital, it was the first time since the shooting that he wasn't looking like a wreck . For _days_ he hung around the loft waiting for you to call. It took two weeks for disillusionment to set in, when he realized that you were _never_ going to call, that you had left him hanging _again_. And _I_ was there, for that whole hell of a week. I was there, to make feeble excuses for you, watching hope drain out of his eyes little by little, until it was gone entirely. And then he started drinking..." Alexis choked up at this point. "It took me _days_ of persuasion and threats, to pull him completely away from drinking and to get him to have some semblance of a life. And _then_ you showed up. Out of the blue. Without any warning. After weeks of no contact. And then you act as if vacation's over and that you'll _graciously_ allow him to follow you around again..."

"Alexis, I didn't mean it like that," Kate protested defeated, feeling the first sting of tears against her eyes.

"You expect Dad to devote his whole attention, his whole life, to your every whim in return for whatever scraps you consent to throw at him," Alexis said, her voice finally going low and tired, as if she couldn't even work up the energy to be angry anymore. "For a long time, I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to my father. I actually looked up to you. I wanted to be just like you. And now... now when I look at you, I see everything I hope I'll never become." She stopped and heaved a deep sigh. "I wish to God that I knew what got into you."

"Maybe nothing 'got into' me," Kate said as she rose unsteadily to her feet. "Maybe you just saw the parts of me that you needed to see. And maybe now you're seeing me as I really am. I'm sorry if I let you down, but heroes don't ask to be heroes. And they don't ask to have feet of clay either."

Alexis' stony glare softened somewhat. "You still haven't told me what exactly it is that you wanted to talk to my father about."

"I wanted the files for the case I've been working on. Esposito says that your father has them," Kate replied. Strange how small and unimportant that appeared now.

Alexis turned away. "Oh yes, _those_. I haven't seen Dad going over them in quite a while, but they should still be in his study. I'll have them sent over to the precinct."

"You do realize that you could get into serious trouble for assaulting a police officer, right?" Kate said evenly.

Alexis actually laughed at that. A humorless, derisive laugh that didn't suit her at all.

"Empty threat, Detective," she said in a mocking voice. "You wanna press charges? Fine, go right ahead. I dare you. And while you're at it, make sure to explain to your new captain how your underlings allowed a civilian who is not officially affiliated with the N.Y.P.D to leave the precinct with confidential case material. Keeping their badges will be the least of their concerns after that."

Kate sagged against the wall. "It wasn't a threat, Alexis," she said in a low voice. "I could never threaten you."

Alexis made no reply as she turned away, her hand on the doorknob.

"Alexis…"

"Go away, Detective," Alexis voice was heavy, laced with exhaustion. "You've caused enough damage to last a while. And I'm sure you have more important things you'd rather be attending to." She paused. "I know you've had a difficult life. I know you've been through hell recently. I know that you've got a lot of things that you need to deal with. And I know that I'm going to hate myself forever for doing this to you," she said quietly. "But it's nothing compared to how much I hate you right now for everything that you've put my father through."

And with that she walked back into the loft and closed the door behind her, with a final sounding click.

Kate stood staring at the closed door for a long time, before she finally turned and walked slowly away The irony of the situation wasn't lost on her. She had spent months ignoring what lay before her, only to realize that she wanted it at the precise moment when she had most likely lost it forever. The ultimate paradox was that she had never appreciated what she could have had, until she couldn't have it anymore.

* * *

><p><em>I'm looking back and wondering why<em>

_It took so long to realize_

_That nothing's changed, it never will_

_All these years of standing still_

_And still we stay in all this pain_

_And nothing's gonna make it go away_

_**Something That I Already Know**_

_**Backstreet Boys**_

* * *

><p><strong>Like it? Hate it?<strong>

**I figured I'd throw in something a little different from the usual stories.**

**Please let me know what you think. Should I stop here, or should I continue? I was thinking of making this into a threeshot .**

**Feel free to point out any flaws, however minor, along with suggestions for improvement.**


	2. Lanie

**A/N :- So, sorry it's taken me so long to update. I went through a writer's block over this for months. Finally the muse decided to make a comeback.**

**Thanks to all the people who've reviewed. Your words truly give a feeling of satisfaction that is unique in its own right. But then I expect most of you know exactly what I'm talking about.**

**So we come to Chapter 2. This story is unfolding to become a bit longer than a threeshot. And this train is headed for Angst Central.**

* * *

><p><em>So there you are<em>  
><em>Again, you're circling all around<em>  
><em>If you could only touch me now<em>  
><em>Stranger from the past<em>

_Don't hesitate_  
><em>Now we're standing face to face<em>  
><em>If heaven is the only place<em>  
><em>Would you take my hand?<em>

_**What do you want from me**_

_**Cascada**  
><em>

* * *

><p>Detective Javier Esposito stretched back in his chair as he rubbed his eyes tiredly and let out a groan. Noon at the precinct and he already had half a mind to bang his head on the walls. He secretly peered through his fingers as if hoping that the pile of paperwork would have somehow miraculously become smaller.<p>

Nope, still there. He could have sworn it looked even _bigger_.

He let out another sigh and crossed his arms over his chest, tilting his chair on its rear legs.

"You tilt that chair any further, Espo, and it's gonna fall over," came a disembodied voice from somewhere behind him. He ignored it as he continued to stare at the ceiling and brood. Barely lunchtime, and he was already halfway to going bonkers. It was going to be one of _those_ days. He just knew it.

_Well at least Beckett seems to be getting better. Or rather she's not getting any worse_, he mulled silently. It wasn't much by the way of comfort, but the way things had been going down lately, he was grateful for whatever small mercies the Almighty saw fit to toss down at him. He had learned a long time ago getting mad at events outside his control was like getting mad at the rain. No matter how much he ranted or swore, it was not going to rain one drop more or less than it was going to. Shit happens. Sometimes it comes in a tidal wave, and there is nothing to do but hunker down and hang on best as you can. He had made peace with that fact a long time ago. But he didn't have to like it.

Hey it's a free country.

"Hey, Javi," came a familiar voice, one that he didn't usually hear in the bullpen. He blinked, startled out of his reverie, and twisted around. In that moment the precariously balanced chair moved a critical microscopic degree. Esposito yelped as the chair tipped over backwards and instinctively braced himself for a crash.

It never came.

After a couple of seconds, he cracked open his eyes and was greeted by the visage of the Chief Medical Examiner grinning upside down at him, and the feel of her wrists against his shoulders as she gripped the backrest of his chair.

"Falling for me, Javi?" she asked impishly.

"Ha ha fucking ha," Esposito said grumpily as Lanie pushed the chair back on its feet. "And just what did I do today to be honored by your presence, madam?"

"Don't flatter yourself. I came looking for Beckett," Lanie said with a dryly. "Where is she anyway?"

"She's not in today," Esposito said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Is it something important?"

"No, I just wanted to see if she wanted to grab some lunch… hey wait a minute," Lanie frowned. "What do you mean she's not in today?"

Esposito wordlessly swept a hand towards Kate's empty chair.

"S'funny," Lanie said, still frowning. "It's not like her to be late. Did she say that she was coming in late today or something?"

"No," Esposito replied. "Maybe she decided to take a day off. Technically she's still on leave."

"She never takes an unscheduled day off," Lanie said fixing him a glare. "You tried calling her?"

"I'm not her babysitter, Lanie," Esposito said shortly. "I've got enough on my hands here as it is."

Lanie ignored him. "What's this?" she asked, examining a large wrapped parcel sitting on Beckett's desk.

Esposito glanced at it briefly before turning back to his own paperwork. "Those're the case files about the shooting that Castle took for safekeeping. A delivery guy dropped them off for Beckett a while ago."

Esposito glanced around to make sure no one was nearby, and continued in a lowered voice, "We're, uh, kinda looking through the case. _Unofficially_."

Lanie's eyebrows rose. "You're going to be in serious hot water if Gates catches you, you do know that right?"

"We won't be doing it during work hours," Esposito defended. "And Gates can't tell us what to do with our time off."

"I'm sure she'll think up of some trumped up charge to stick you on," Lanie muttered. "She's IA remember?" Lanie had met the new Captain only a handful of times, but each of those encounters left much to be desired. And apparently she wasn't the only one who thought so either. All over the bullpen, there was a lot of muttering about the new Captain's decidedly by-the-book style of management.

"That isn't Castle's handwriting, by the way," she continued, bending closer to examine the unfamiliar looking script on the front of the packet.

"It's Alexis' handwriting."

Lanie glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. "How do you know?" she asked as she straightened up.

"It's a lot like Castle's. Not exactly, but close enough, and the loops of the _'c'_, the _'s'_ and the _'r'_ are exactly how Castle makes them."

"But then why would Castle send the files by messenger?" Lanie wondered absently. "Wouldn't he have just handed them to Kate when she went to see him?"

"Maybe she caught him outside."

"Then why is Alexis' handwriting on the package? Unless…" Lanie stopped.

_Of course…_

It made perfect sense. When Castle wouldn't take her calls, rather than go and face him in person, Kate simply called his daughter and asked her to send the files.

Lanie sighed. Kate had chickened out _again_.

"You can ask her yourself," Esposito said gesturing at the door. "Here she comes."

Lanie glanced at the door, and did a double take. She wasn't the only one either. All over the bullpen heads turned, eyes blinked and eyebrows rose as Kate stormed past, coming to a halt at her desk.

Lanie knew she was staring, but she couldn't help it. She didn't what to stare at, the incensed expression on Kate's face, or the livid bruise over her left eye. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get the words out someone else beat her to it.

"Yo, Beckett," came an annoying nasal voice from behind her, "that's a nice shade of rouge you got there. What's the matter; your whipping boy's finally had enough and gave you a little something to remember him by?"

Lanie closed her eyes in a silent prayer_. Please God, not him_, she implored silently. _Anyone but him_.

Detective Mark Carter, the office jerk, was an irritating man on his best days, tolerated only for his impressive solve rate. Any other day Kate wouldn't even have dignified his response with a glance. Today however his needling hit a sore spot.

In a move that was almost faster than Lanie could follow, Kate grabbed him by his coat lapels and swung him into pillar. Hard. There was an audible thud as his head connected with the stone.

"I've got a suggestion for you," Kate hissed at the stupefied detective, "How about you mind your own goddamn business, and I won't bash your brains in?"

"Jeez, Beckett I was just kidding," the detective spluttered. Lanie suddenly became aware of the unnatural hush that had fallen over the precinct. Not a single person was moving. They were all staring at Beckett with varying expressions of shock and disbelief.

_"Beckett,"_ came a new voice from the direction of the captain's cabin, abruptly shattering the hushed silence that had fallen in the room. Kate closed her eyes, and allowed her hands to slump, before turning in the direction of the voice.

"Yes, Sir?"

"My office, _now_," Gates said, glaring at her. As Kate stalked past her, her glare shifted to the rest of the people in the room, all of whom were still watching with their mouths hanging open.

"You don't get paid to stand around all day," Gates barked. "Get back to work. _Now_." The rest of the detectives lunged at their desks, in a manner that suggested that no one wanted to have that tone used on them. Lanie turned back to Esposito, her eyes wide.

"What the hell was that all about?"

Esposito just shrugged wordlessly, his eyes still fixed on the closed door of the Captain's office.

* * *

><p>Lanie stood outside the door to Kate's apartment, her hand half raised to ring the doorbell, while she pondered exactly how she was going to handle this situation. After Kate's explosive outburst in the precinct that afternoon, she hadn't had a chance to talk to her in person. She debated if she should have given Kate her space and just called instead of coming over in person, and then decided that this was a conversation that needed to be had face to face. That way Kate couldn't weasel her way out of it. Her decision made, she rang the doorbell and waited for Kate to open the door.<p>

Nothing.

Lanie frowned and rang the doorbell again, and then a third time. Finally she heard the sound of footsteps, shuffling towards the door. After what seemed like an eternity, the door was opened by one disheveled looking Kate Beckett, who looked none too happy to see her. From the way she was weaving slightly and from the smell of alcohol, she was clearly at least half drunk.

"You again," Kate said grumpily, as if Lanie had been pestering her all day. "Just what do I have to do to get some space around here?"

Lanie raised an eyebrow. "Hi, to you too," she said dryly as she looked past Kate, squinting into the darkness of her apartment. The room's ambient lighting was so low that a dozen fireflies could have made it look sunny in comparison. Lanie knew that her best friend was known to get moody at times, but she wasn't generally known to take refuge in dark, barely lit rooms.

"So are you just going to make me stand out here all night, or can I come in?" Lanie asked.

Kate actually seemed to mull over that for a few moments. Finally she sighed, turned on her heel and disappeared back into her apartment.

"Fine, come in," she called irritably, from somewhere in the gloom. Lanie walked in after, feeling the wall for the light switch. The lights in the room abruptly flickered on, revealing Kate sitting on the couch with a glass of scotch in hand and a scowl on her face as she blinked in the sudden brightness. Lanie took no notice of her less than welcoming demeanor, opting instead to fetch another glass from the kitchen and proceeding to pour herself a generous amount from the half empty bottle on the coffee table.

"So," Lanie said finally as she pointedly sat down on the chair opposite to Kate with her drink in hand.

"So what?" Kate replied, studiously avoiding looking at Lanie.

"So what's with all the brooding in the dark stuff?"

"Is it against the law?"

"It's not your style."

"Oh for God's sake," Kate huffed. "You want an explanation? _Fine_. I'm all fucked up. I've been all fucked up for as long as you've known me. In fact I've been all fucked up long before _that_. So go away and let me stew in peace."

Lanie had expected Kate to clam up, but that did nothing to stop her irritation. "Fine, in that case you wanna tell what happened to your eye?"

"I was taking a walk in the park and some kids were playing a game of catch." Kate said with an air of misdirection. "One of them had a pretty poor aim."

"How come I don't believe you?" Lanie said bluntly.

"Can't imagine why you'd think I'm lying," Kate shrugged. She wasn't even making an effort to sound convincing at this point.

"We'll start off with the fact that you're not making eye contact," Lanie said tartly. "I could give you a whole list of all your tells, but frankly I'm not in the mood, so let's just cut to the chase. Now _spill_."

Kate sagged against the back of her chair, too tired to continue the charade any longer.

"Fine," she muttered. "I went to see Castle yesterday. In person. At his house. Just like you wanted." She rubbed her eyes. "Happy now?"

Lanie's eyebrows rose. "So what did you talk about?"

"We didn't talk at all," Kate said shortly. "She… Alexis…wouldn't let me see him."

Lanie blinked. "What do you mean Alexis wouldn't let you see him?" she demanded.

"I mean she didn't let me inside the house and she wouldn't let me talk to him."

Lanie's fingers froze in the act of toying with her glass. "And the black eye?"

"Well, turns out Alexis is stronger than she looks," Kate said with what was probably supposed to be a wry smile, but came out as a pained grimace instead.

Lanie blinked. It took her a couple of seconds to process what Kate had said. "Alexis?" she exclaimed incredulously. "I don't believe it. That girl doesn't have a violent bone in her body."

"Why so surprised?" Kate said draining her glass. "She gave a similar treatment to Josh. You were probably there when it happened."

"Yeah...but…well…that's different," Lanie spluttered. "Josh punched Rick in the face. Alexis was just protecting her father. I would have done the same thing in her place."

"And she was doing the same thing yesterday," Kate said, leaning forward to rest her forehead on her arms. "She was protecting Rick. At least that's how she sees it. And the way she spelled it out to me, I can't really fault her for thinking that way."

_"Protecting him?"_ Lanie demanded. "From what exactly?" Kate raised her head off her arms and Lanie was dumbstruck by the look of utter devastation on Kate's face.

"From _me_," Kate said in a low voice. "Not from my job, not from all the danger it brings. She wants to protect him from _me_." She squeezed her eyes shut in a fruitless attempt to hold back the tears. "She _hates_ me, Lanie. She would have preferred it if I had never met Rick."

"Oh, come on, Kate," Lanie protested weakly. "You don't really think that, do you?"

"It's not what I think, it's what I know." Kate sighed. "Alexis was kind enough to spell it out clearly for me." Her voice had a tone of hopelessness that made Lanie's heart break. "Those were her exact words, Lanie. I don't … I can't see how she could have meant it any other way. She was pretty explicit. She just wants me _gone_." She hiccupped, and suddenly burst into hysterical laughter. "You know what? I should really consider changing my middle name to Fubar."

"Fubar?" Lanie asked, looking at Kate in apprehension.

"You know, the acronym. Fucked Up Beyond All Repair," Kate said, examining her glass. "It's the perfect description for how my life is going. Scratch that, it's the perfect description for me."

"C'mon Kate, you know that's not true," Lanie said in a soothing voice.

"Yes it is," Kate burst out, turning to look at Lanie, tears falling freely from her eyes now. "I'm cursed, Lanie. First Max, then Royce, then Demming, then Josh, and now Rick. If they're not hurting me, I'm the one hurting them. And now I'm not hurting just them, I'm hurting the people around them as well." And with that she broke down completely.

Lanie couldn't think of anything to say. She just grabbed Kate into a tight hug, struggling to hold back her own tears as her best friend cried her heart out.

* * *

><p>Several hours later, Lanie was curled onto the couch in her own apartment. Her phone was out and she was contemplating over the contact number that her thumb was hovering over. On one hand, she was strongly tempted to just stay out of the whole mess. It was Kate's personal matter after all, and she would be furious with Lanie if she found out. But on the other hand, Kate just plain needed help, whether she was willing to accept it or not. And if Lanie was going to help her she needed to address the cause of the issue. Finally she bit her lip, bit the bullet and pressed Call. The phone rang for several rings. Just as Lanie thought that it was going to the voicemail, the line clicked on.<p>

"Yes, Dr. Parish?"

Lanie had prepared for this conversation. She had even rehearsed everything she was going to say, but the unexpectedly curt tone of the greeting suddenly left her fumbling for words.

"Alexis, I…" Lanie pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. It was just Alexis for god's sake. The fact that she had hit Kate in the face didn't change things. Too much. Hopefully. "We need to talk"

"I assume this is about Detective Beckett and her black eye."

Lanie blinked. The blunt tone of Alexis' voice had caught her by surprise.

"Umm, yeah. I need to talk to you about that."

"Be at the Old Haunt on Saturday at six p.m. The bartender will be expecting you. He'll take you to a private room. We'll talk there."

Lanie was startled. Alexis tone was uncharacteristically curt and businesslike. It was as if she was talking to a complete stranger, one that she would prefer not to have to deal with.

"Uh…I… All right." There was a click and the line went dead.

Lanie disconnected the call, a feeling of foreboding rising up inside her like a tidal wave. Other warning signs began to register in her mind. Alexis had not asked what Lanie wanted to talk to her about. She hadn't raised any objections. She had simply named a place and a time, without bothering to confirm if it would be convenient for Lanie. It was almost as if…

As if she had been waiting for it.

_She was expecting me to call her_, Lanie realized. _She knew I would want to talk to her. She was prepared for it._

Lanie was already not looking forward to Saturday.

* * *

><p>Saturday evening found Lanie, Ryan and Esposito standing inside the Old Haunt. After several seconds of tense silence, Ryan took a deep breath and turned to walk towards the bar, followed by Esposito and Lanie.<p>

"Alright, let's get this show on the road."

"Well, if it isn't the New York's finest," the bartender said as Ryan made his way to the bar, followed by Esposito, with Lanie bringing up the rear. "So, what'll it be today? The usual?"

"Not today, Paco," Ryan said absently. "We're here to see Alexis. She's expecting us."

The bartender paused in the act of wiping the glass he was holding, glancing between Ryan, Esposito and Lanie as he did. "Miss Castle said to expect Dr. Parish. She didn't say anything about you two."

"It's okay, they're with me," Lanie spoke up. The bartender still looked skeptical, but finally he just shrugged and put the glass down.

"This way," he called over his shoulder as he opened a door next to the bar and disappeared behind it. After a beat, the other three followed behind. The group walked down a flight of stairs in silence and through a narrow passageway, stopping at last if front of a plain wooden door. The bartender pushed it open and swiped his hand on the wall next to the doorframe for the light switch. Ryan and Esposito stepped in after him, scanning the room out of habit. As basement rooms went, it was utterly unremarkable. The walls were painted a dull shade of grey. At the far side of the room there was a single wooden desk, behind which was a battered office chair. Four plastic chairs were scattered around in the room. A bookshelf in the corner held a row of ledgers. Other than that there wasn't a stick of furniture in the room.

The thought struck Esposito about was how utterly unlike Castle's style the room seemed to be. There was no color and no decorations. The whole room emphasized a feeling of being strictly utilitarian. The only break in the spartan look of the room was a minibar mounted on the side wall.

He glanced back at his two companions. Ryan caught his eye. From the look on his face, he seemed to be having similar thoughts.

"Wait here," the bartender said. "Miss Castle will be with you when she arrives." With that he left them to wait in the room.

Without anything else to do, the three of them pulled chairs and sat down. Minutes passed in uncomfortable silence.

Finally Ryan broke the quiet. "I don't like the looks of this," he muttered in a low voice.

"What do you mean?" Lanie asked.

_"This,"_ Esposito replied grimly, gesturing around the room. "The location, the timing, all of it. Alexis has no intention of making this easy."

"You can tell that just by looking at the room?" Lanie asked with a raised eyebrow.

"There's another back room up there," Esposito said, gesturing towards the ceiling. "The fact that Alexis told the bartender to stick us all the way down here instead of up there probably means that she expects our chat to turn… _loud_."

"You told us that Alexis told you to meet her here," Ryan continued, "She didn't stop to ask if it would be convenient for you. She wasn't _asking_ you to come here. She was _telling_ you. It's an intimidation tactic. She wants you to get the message that she'll be calling the shots here. Either this meeting takes place according to her terms or it doesn't take place at all. And we have no choice but to agree."

"Number two," Esposito continued, "she asked, or rather _told_, us to come here. To a bar that her father owns. The meeting is taking place on _her territory_. She owns this place. Calling the bartender and telling him to expect us further emphasizes that point; that what she says goes around here."

"And lastly this room," Ryan supplied. "Plain walls, no decorations, plain furniture. Not really Castle's style, don't you think?"

"So, what does it mean?"

"The reason that the room is so bare is probably because it was like this when Castle bought it," Esposito answered. "Maybe he never bothered to renovate it because he doesn't come here often. I guess the bar's previous owner wasn't the type to bother putting decorations where his customers weren't going to see it. Up there," he gestured at the ceiling, "is where we get free drinks whenever we drop in. Down here is where the business is taken care of."

_And Alexis means business_, Lanie finished silently. Something had happened. Alexis wasn't an aggressive person, and if she was resorting to scare tactics and throwing punches, something was seriously wrong. Whatever it was, it had pushed her over the edge, and Lanie needed to find out what it was.

"Alexis won't be cutting us any slack," Ryan said, as if he had read Lanie's thoughts. "This room," he said as he gestured around him, "is Alexis' personal makeshift interrogation room. And we're the perps who're about to be grilled."

* * *

><p><strong>The next part deserves a whole chapter for itself, so I had to stop here. Coming up next, is Alexis' no holds barred confrontation with Lanie, Ryan and Esposito. Alexis is out for blood, and she's taking no prisoners.<strong>

**Some people have found this version of Alexis to be highly out of character, but that was kind of the point. I wanted to portray Alexis as being pushed to the very edge of her tolerance limit, and determined to protect her father by any means necessary. I still haven't made up my mind about whether I want Alexis to continue lashing out for a while longer or if I should start to tone it down**

**As before, feel free to criticize.**


	3. Ryan and Esposito

**A/N – From this point onwards I'm going to consider the disclaimer given. **

**It's the showdown you've been waiting for. Alexis has her face to face with Lanie, Ryan and Esposito. And she is not feeling particularly cooperative.**

* * *

><p>Alexis took a deep breath as she stepped through the doors of the Old Haunt. As was her habit, she paused for a moment to take a quick glance over her surroundings. The bar was still relatively quiet but the Saturday night crowd was starting to pick up. Patterson spotted her and gave her a wave from his usual spot at the farthest corner of the bar. Alexis returned the wave and turned to make her way across to the bartender. She always loved coming here. Most of the renovations in the bar were her idea. It was something she and her father had worked on together after he had bought the bar, just one of the things that they did during their father-daughter quality time. Her Dad had basically given her a blank check and told her to take the lead. It was the biggest project she had worked on, and the feeling of seeing it come to life… she supposed it was something similar to how her father had felt after his first novel was published.<p>

"The usual, Paco," she said to the bartender as she slid onto an empty barstool.

"One mango milkshake coming right up," the bartender said as he picked up an empty glass with one hand and a bottle of mango syrup with the other. "Your guests are waiting in the office," he added as he proceeded to pour the syrup with his customary flourish.

"_Guests?_" Alexis asked with a raised eyebrow, "as in _plural?_"

"Detectives Esposito and Ryan are in there too. Dr. Parish said that they were with her."

_Not entirely unexpected,_ Alexis thought with grim amusement. _In fact, the more, the merrier._

"Thanks, Paco," she said, sliding off the barstool, as she picked up the glass that the bartender slid towards her and walked toward the door leading to the office.

* * *

><p>Lanie looked up with a start as the door to the office swung open suddenly, jolting her out of her musings. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ryan and Esposito turn around to watch Alexis as she strode briskly into the office as if it was her personal space and slid into the chair behind the desk.<p>

"Nice to see you again," Alexis said in a pleasant voice, which was about as convincing as the sun rising in the west. "Thanks for coming."

Lanie turned slightly to catch Esposito's eye. The expression on his face mirrored her own.

_Thanks for coming?_ She thought incredulously. _She practically gave us an ultimatum._

"So, can I offer you something?" Alexis asked, waving towards the sidebar.

"Um, no thanks," Lanie said awkwardly. Ryan and Esposito declined as well. Alexis shrugged but didn't speak. An uncomfortable silence enveloped the group.

_She's trying to throw us off balance,_ Esposito thought. _And it's working. But why?_

"So," Lanie began, in an attempt to break the ice, "Kate told me about your, uh, conversation."

"I figured as much," Alexis said calmly, sipping her milkshake. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"

Lanie sighed. Esposito was right; Alexis had every intention of being difficult about this. "Listen, Alexis. I know how you feel about this, and I can understand that you're upset but…"

"No."

Lanie stopped in the middle of her sentence, startled by the sudden interruption. "Uh, excuse me?" she asked.

"No to both counts," Alexis said coolly, setting her glass down a bit harder than necessary. "Number one_, no,_ you have absolutely no idea what I am going through. You might _think_ that you do, but I assure you that you don't. It's not something you can fully understand unless it's happened to you. And if you've been through something like this, you wouldn't be here talking to me, you would be talking to Detective Beckett." She paused for a few moments to allow that to sink in. "And number two. I'm not upset, not at all."

Alexis' curt tone completely blindsided Lanie, which was why the second part of her statement took a few seconds to sink in.

"You're… _not_ upset?' Lanie asked, feeling wrong footed.

Alexis gripped the edge of the table and leaned forward. "No _Doctor,_ I'm not. Far from it," she said with an edge in her voice, and Lanie could hear the contempt in her voice coming through in every syllable. "_Upset_ is how I am when I get a bad grade, or when I miss my favorite shows, or when Ashley is being a jerk. When someone hurts my family, when they do it deliberately, _upset _doesn't even begin to cover it. It makes me _angry_." She smiled humorlessly. "For some reason, folks don't seem to like me when I get angry."

"Kate didn't deliberately set out to…"

"Sure, she didn't," Alexis said sarcastically. Lanie fell silent at the sudden interruption, her eyes wide at the open disdain in Alexis' tone. Alexis took no notice as she leaned forward to look Lanie in the eye. "Every single day, for four fucking months, she had a chance to call dad and talk to him. Every time she chose not to, she was doing it all over again. Every single day for _four months._"

"Alexis, be reasonable," Lanie protested. "After everything she's been through, can you really blame her for wanting to get away from everything for a while?"

"You're still missing the point," Alexis said curtly. "I'm not mad at her for taking off for four months. I'm not even all _that_ mad for taking off for four months without telling Dad." She paused for a moment, and when she spoke again, her voice had an edge as sharp as a razor blade. "You know what really gets me? She promises Dad that she'll call him, and _then_ she disappears for four months. She didn't even have the decency to let him know. If she didn't have the guts to say it in person, she could at least have told him over the phone. All she had to do was to tell him that she was taking a long break to recover and that they would talk when she got back. Dad would've understood. He would've given her space. He would have given her as much time as she needed. He's waited for the better part of three years. He would have waited for another three months, not that he would have had any choice. Worst case, she could have just taken the coward's way out and left him an e-mail. That way she could have avoided speaking to him, and Dad wouldn't have spent the past few months moping. But _no,_ she pulled off her disappearing act without any concern as to what Dad was feeling, while _she_ expects _him_ to put her feelings before his own. I mean, who the _hell_ does that hypocritical bitch think she is?"

"Don't talk about her like that," Esposito said, sounding affronted.

Alexis rounded on to him and Esposito leaned away from her, visibly unsettled.

"I'll talk about her any way I like," Alexis hissed. "Who's going to stop me?"

A ringing silence fell around the table. Esposito and Ryan were staring at Alexis, still as statues, shock displayed clearly on their faces. Alexis stared right back, the expression on her face hard as gemstones.

_So is that what this is all about?_ Lanie wondered, trying to clear the fog of incredulity that had settled in her head. It was vendetta. It explained a lot of things. Alexis' sudden aggression, the punch that she had dealt to Kate, all of it. It was Alexis' way of letting Kate know who was alpha female where Castle was concerned. Kate on her best day didn't have a hope of competing with Alexis on her worst, when it came to Castle's priorities. If Kate thought that she was the one who controlled the nature and pace of her partnership with Castle, she was dead wrong. _Alexis_ was the one who had the power to determine what form Kate's and Castle's relationship would take and how fast, _if at all_, it would develop. Alexis had veto rights over any and every aspect of Castle's life. She had the power to bring him and Kate together, or to tear them apart permanently. She could bring about either outcome just as effortlessly. And Kate knew now that Castle was the one she wanted, that his absence left a hole in her heart that no one else could fill, and that put her in a position of vulnerability; the exact same position that Castle had been in for the entire duration of their partnership. And now that Alexis was the one in control, she had no intention of making the slightest compromise to accommodate Kate. Kate had no say in the matter, and there was nothing she could do about it. Any power she had over Castle was rendered meaningless in the face of Alexis' influence. If Kate wanted Castle in her life, it was either Alexis' way or the highway. There was no Option C.

So the bottom line was that Kate's relationship with Castle, the most important one that she had ever had, was subject to Alexis' whims. And she had no power over Alexis. The punch in the face had made all too clear, just how little regard Alexis had left for Kate. Kate now found herself in the exact same position that Castle been in for the entirety of their relationship, and that feeling, along with all the associated helplessness and feeling of injustice was exactly what Alexis wanted her to feel. There was no better way to cut a person down to size than to let them know that they were utterly powerless. Alexis was determined to give Kate a taste of her own medicine and to repay Kate for all the pain that she had caused her father with her own coin. Every single hurt, three years' worth of it, not a penny more and not a penny less.

And Lanie couldn't let her do that. Not now, when Kate needed Castle the most.

"Listen Alexis," she tried again, "I know that you may not believe me but Kate really cares about him."

"Yeah? Well she's got a great way of showing it." Alexis said throwing up her hands. "She was the one who told him to get out of her life, or have you _conveniently_ forgotten that?"

"I…she…" Lanie shook her head in frustration. "Dammit Alexis, you _know _she didn't mean it."

"She said, and I quote, 'we're over'. Those were her exact words," Alexis replied curtly. "And in Modern English, it translates into 'I never want to have anything to do with you again'. So unless Detective Beckett was talking in some obscure English dialect where phrases mean the exact opposite of what they imply…"

"Alexis, she was upset," Ryan said speaking up for the first time. "She didn't mean what she said."

"Oh _riiiiight_," Alexis said sarcastically. "What she really meant was, '_stay out of my way until I need you, at which time you better be there for whatever it is that I need you for.'_"

"Don't act as if you know everything there is to know about Beckett," Esposito said coldly.

"I know that she hurt my Dad. Hurt him in ways no one ever has," Alexis replied, her own voice as icy cold as liquid nitrogen. "That is really all I need to know." Esposito fell silent at her words. There was really no answer he could make to that statement.

"And while we're on the topic, just answer a couple of questions for me," Alexis said in a falsely casual tone. "Number one, after she kicked Dad out, if he had gone to see her for whatever reason, would she have listened to him?"

Lanie stayed silent. Ryan and Esposito shifted uncomfortably. It was a rhetorical question and they all knew the answer to that.

"And second," Alexis voice turned steely, "would she have been so quick to tell him to get lost if she knew that he wasn't coming back?"

There was no need to answer that either. Lanie, Esposito and Ryan all knew that Kate took liberties with Castle because she could get away with it. If she had known the consequences of her actions, she would have thought twice about sending Castle away. That only confirmed what Alexis had said, that Kate took Rick for granted far too often.

"Alexis, give her a break," Lanie pleaded. "Doesn't she have enough going on without you adding to it?"

"Without _me_ adding to it," Alexis repeated sarcastically. "Nice try, Doctor. Shift the blame on me. Never mind the fact _her_ actions are the cause of it."

"Okay, maybe you've got a beef with her for some things that she did, or didn't do. But don't you think you're overreacting a bit? I mean seriously," Esposito said, shaking his head. "I can't believe you actually hit her."

"You think I'm overreacting?" Alexis said coolly. She leaned forward, and there was a strange glitter in her eyes that Esposito did not at all like. "Let us consider a hypothetical situation, where their roles are reversed. If it was my Dad who was treating _her_ this way, and if he ditched her for three months, don't tell me that you wouldn't have punched his lights out."

Esposito opened his mouth and closed it again, unable to come up with a reply. "That's different," he said at last, saying the first thing that came to his mind.

"Really?" Alexis said sarcastically, "And pray _why_ is it okay for Beckett if it's not okay for someone else in the same position?"

"She needed time to heal…"

"So, she takes time off to heal while she leaves Dad to bleed," Alexis said, looking away. "If that's any indication of her priorities, I don't _want_ her for a stepmother anyway."

And there it was, out in the open at last. Alexis had officially given her stamp of disapproval.

"Alexis, you have to understand, the loss of her mother hit Kate very hard," Lanie broke in. "She's never really recovered from it. Her mother's death has influenced every aspect about Kate, directly or indirectly. Her emotional scars run too deep and it is difficult for her to let other people in. I don't expect you to understand what that is like, but…"

"You're right, I _don't_ know what that is like," Alexis said in a low voice. For a moment the anger and hostility in her voice dropped away, leaving only the tired vulnerable girl, forced to deal with too much too soon. "Just _one_ second's difference and the bullet that hit Beckett would've hit my Dad." She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in her hands. "Just thinking about that has been giving me nightmares for days, and I can't begin to _imagine_ what it must be like for Beckett."

For one moment Lanie thought that she had succeeded in getting through to Alexis, but then Alexis lifted her head, and the icy expression was back.

"But that doesn't change anything," Alexis said coolly.

Lanie's heart sank. She opened her mouth to speak, but Alexis overrode her. "Listen, I'm sorry for Beckett okay? I'm sorry that she had to go through all that she did, and I'd help her if I could. But I can't. I can't save them both, and if I have to pick one person to save, well…" she let the sentence hang and just shrugged.

Lanie couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You're seriously gonna abandon Kate? Just like that?"

"If saving my Dad means cutting Beckett loose, and I don't see any other option at this point," Alexis said in a hard voice, "then make no mistake; that's _exactly_ what I'm gonna do."

"Girl, I know you're hurting, but seriously," Lanie said, shaking her head in disbelief. "I _cannot_ let you do that."

"I'm not asking for your permission," Alexis said coldly. "Listen I sympathize with her alright? But just because she's had tough breaks in life that doesn't give her the right to treat my Dad like excess baggage." She smiled humorlessly. "Ever stopped to consider that maybe treating her with kid gloves might be _preventing_ her from getting over her issues?"

"Beckett wouldn't abandon _you_ like that," Ryan said accusingly.

"She did," Alexis replied curtly. "Four months ago. She just up and left, and left _me_ to deal with the fallout. It's taken me all this time to help my Dad get over her, and now you want me to send him _back_?" Her blue eyes flashed as if to say, _go to hell._

"It doesn't have to be like… before," Esposito broke in.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Alexis said with a shrug.

"She's trying to make an effort, Alexis. She wants him back," Esposito tried to explain.

"Just like she wanted him when she broke up with Demming?" Alexis said with a raised eyebrow. Esposito opened his mouth and closed it again wordlessly, unable to come up with a rebuttal. "Why's it that the only time Beckett's willing to make an effort with my Dad is when she thinks that she's about to lose him?"

"That's not fair," Esposito said, managing to find his voice at last.

"Really? And just why not?"

"She _was_ going to tell him," Esposito said defensively. "It was just … bad timing."

"Then why not tell him after he and Gina had broken up?" Alexis pointed out. "They didn't last long."

"She was with Josh at the time."

Alexis smiled thinly. "You're telling me that in the few months between the time that she met Josh and the time that Dad broke up with Gina, she had become so committed to the relationship that she couldn't pull away? Kate Beckett, the woman who has a policy of keeping one foot outside the door, was so fully committed in just a few months?" She laughed humorlessly. "Oh, I believe that. Tell me another story."

"Maybe she _was_ committed to Josh," Ryan said coolly. "Maybe she managed to get over Rick while he was away having fun in the sun with ex-wife number two."

"And yet you expect him to put his own life on hold and hang around Beckett indefinitely, in addition to the past three years of waiting," Alexis replied, "when Beckett couldn't even wait three months." Ryan opened his mouth, but Alexis overrode him. "If Beckett was so over him, why didn't she just tell him that?"

"What?"

"You heard me," Alexis said steadily. "If she was so tight in her new relationship, why didn't she just tell Dad that she was in a committed relationship and that she couldn't return his feelings?"

"Just in case she…" Ryan began and then trailed off.

"Just in case she what, Detective?" Alexis said with a humorless smile. "Just in case she broke up with Josh, she would have him available, ready and waiting for her? So my Dad was supposed to be the fallback guy?" She snorted. "You're not exactly doing a stellar job of selling Beckett's greatness, Detective."

"The _what_ guy?" Esposito asked, slightly confused.

"The fallback guy, also known as the backup plan," Alexis said airily, with a forced casualness that was not only fake, but was meant to be seen through. "In girl speak, the fallback guy is someone that a girl _knows_ is into her, so she keeps him on a back burner while she scouts for better options. If nothing else pans out, she can always settle for the fallback guy because she knows that he isn't going anywhere." She made a great show of digging her phone out of her pocket. "Let's see what the internet has to say on the matter shall we?"

Lanie, Ryan and Esposito watched bemusedly as Alexis opened a web browser on her phone and began typing. Esposito turned slightly to look at Ryan out of the corner of his eye, feeling an irrational discomfort about making sudden movements. Ryan caught his look and shrugged slightly. Neither of them know how to deal with this curve ball.

"Oh look, here we are," Alexis pronounced. "There is a nice long article about it on IGN."

She cleared her throat dramatically and began reading excerpts from the article out loud, "_The potential is the guy she keeps warming up on the side in case your relationship begins to go bad. His job is to be the relief pitcher when you break up. This way she doesn't have to be alone for very long. All she has to do is give him a call and she will probably have a place to stay and can pick right up where she left off._

_In order for her to keep a "potential" she has to maintain just enough contact to keep him interested. It is not in the best interest of her plans if he gets frustrated and hooks up with someone else, so she has to be in his life enough to limit his activities to simple dates with other women. Depending on the type of guy, she may only need to contact him periodically through a social network, give him phone calls, or meet him at a few places to hang out. In some instances, she may have to engage in limited sexual contact (use your imagination). She has to be that really cool chick that will make him change his plans if she calls and wants to hang out._

_...She keeps the potential hidden from her friends (male friends in particular) because they may reveal the situation for their own reasons..."_

Alexis broke off and gave a cough that sounded suspiciously like "_Josh" _and continued_._

"_The potential is usually the guy she calls on weekends when her plans have fell through or when she's feeling damaged and needs a boost to her self-esteem. The problem with women establishing potential is they never take the guy's feelings into consideration. Some guys may lack social experience and assume the relationship is actually more than it truly is... These guys may attempt to push things farther than the woman is willing to go...This could be a disaster for everyone involved._

_The placeholder is the worst situation for a man to be in; it means the woman is committed to the relationship until a better opportunity comes along. These relationships can last anywhere from a few months to several years... The guys aren't necessarily bad (they could be loyal, dependable, trustworthy, generous, etc), but the women do not consider them long-term relationship material (too nice, too sensitive, to permissive, etc)..._

_...If there is no marriage or children, women in placeholder relationships may want to keep the current guy in reserve if "Mr. Right" doesn't quite measure up to her expectations. They do this by telling the guy they need a break or they need time to figure things out..."_

Here Alexis paused to roll her eyes.

"..._This provides them with a safety net if the guy believes there's some hope of restoring the relationship. The real problems develop when women allow placeholder relationships to progress too far when it was never their intention to be in one that long... _

_...Women should consider the expectations of the individual she chooses as a placeholder; especially, if the guy has limited experience with relationships... In cases like this, women should be honest with the guy if he starts becoming clingy. Slow him down and let him know you if you don't feel the same way. This allows him to reconsider his actions and maintain his dignity before things go too far and he ends up heartbroken... Most guys are absolutely clueless, so you need to be very clear with your intentions. The average guy doesn't always take hints and cannot decipher code, so say what you mean. Painful or not, it's better that way."_

Alexis turned off the phone and very gently put it down on the desk.

"Anything about that article sound familiar to you? Ring any bells maybe?" Alexis asked through gritted teeth. Any trace of casualness, fake or otherwise was gone from her voice. The expression on her face could have frozen a herd of stampeding rhinos in their path.

"Maybe … she didn't know that Castle still had feelings for her," Lanie said in a halfhearted attempt at defense.

"You knew it. I knew it. Half the tabloid readers in New York City knew it," Alexis said curtly. "Dad did everything but send up smoke signals to tell Beckett how he felt about her. And you expect me to believe that Beckett didn't know?" She snorted. "Get real."

"Maybe it would have helped if he had said it to her straight," Esposito said at last, apparently deciding that the best defense was an offence.

"My parents' marriage ended because my Mom cheated on Dad," Alexis replied. "The last thing he would've done is to make a move on Beckett while she was with someone else."

"He still should've said something," Esposito said stubbornly.

"He did," Alexis said, looking away. "In the cemetery. Right before she passed out, he … he told her that he loved her." She paused for a moment. "Apparently she didn't take it well."

"_He told her what?"_

Alexis glanced back to find all three of them staring at her with identical gobsmacked expressions. "I guess Beckett didn't tell you, huh?" she said with a thin smile. Her comment was followed by several seconds of shell shocked silence.

Esposito was the first to pull himself back together. "She says she doesn't remember anything about what happened in the cemetery. Maybe she just…"

"She lied," Alexis said curtly.

Esposito stared at her. "What makes you so sure?"

"Because I was able to force that much out of her," Alexis said with a shrug.

"Whoa… hold on," Ryan said, his head still spinning from the bomb that Alexis had just dropped on them. "So, basically, Castle told Beckett … and then…"

"And then when he went to visit her in the hospital, she told him that she would call him when she was ready to talk. Instead she vanished for four months. And without a word of explanation," Alexis finished.

A tense silence fell in the room.

"Wow," Ryan said finally. "No wonder you're mad at her." Alexis simply shrugged.

"But seriously," Esposito said sharply, "you actually hit Beckett? You have any idea how much trouble you could get into for assaulting a police officer?"

"Well, that kinda requires you to press charges," Alexis said looking him in the eye. "You wanna book me, go right ahead. The press will just eat it up, and I bet your new Captain will just _love_ that. And Beckett will be right in the middle of it. The media vultures will tear her to shreds. And oh yeah, I'd really like to see you explain how you've been investigating the shooting against orders." The message in her gaze was clear. _This is personal business. Let's just keep it that way. If you try to make it an official matter, you'll have more to lose than I do. It's your choice._

"Okay, hold on … just… " Lanie heaved an impatient sigh. "Listen Alexis, we can go over and over this stuff all night long and it's not gonna solve anything. What's done is done, okay? We need to figure out how we're going to move past this."

"There's no 'we_'_ in this, Doctor," Alexis said curtly. "_I'm not on your side._ Get that through your head. You want to bring them back together. _I don't._" Her statement was followed by several seconds of silence.

"So…that's it?" Esposito said at last. "No second chance?"

"She's _had_ a second chance, and a third," Alexis replied curtly. "She blew those too."

"Alexis, _she needs help,_" Lanie said urgently.

"You can't save someone if they refuse to grab the lifeline, Doctor," Alexis said flatly. "I can understand you wanting what's best for Beckett. Unfortunately, in this case what you think is best for Beckett isn't what I think is best for my Dad."

"Alexis," Esposito said helplessly, "I can understand why you'd be angry, but it's not_ like you_ to be this…vindictive."

"You're still missing the point, Detective," Alexis said quietly. "I'm not doing this just to be mean. Though," she shrugged, "if it gives Beckett a taste of her own medicine, I'm not averse to that either."

"So what _is_ this about?" Lanie said.

For the first time that evening Alexis hesitated, suddenly becoming very interested in picking her fingernails. "For most of my life, it's just been Dad and me," she said at last. "My Mom left us a long time ago. I can barely remember her before the divorce, and even with that, the memories I have of the three of us as a family are nothing much. For the past three years my grandmother's been there, but for the most part, it's always been Dad and me against the world."

"But you'll be leaving for college soon," Lanie said softly, understanding starting to dawn on her.

"And Grandma will be moving out," Alexis finished. "And after that Dad's going to be all by himself." She raised her head to look Lanie in the eye. "I don't want to leave him all alone. I want _someone_ to be there for him, when I can't do it anymore. For a long time, I hoped that Beckett would be the one, but if she doesn't want the job…" she shrugged.

"If she doesn't want the job, you want your Dad to find someone who does," Lanie said quietly. "_Before_ you leave for college."

Finally, she understood why Alexis would go to such lengths to keep Kate away from Castle. It was, quite simply, a daughter's instinct to shield her family from whatever turbulence that might be coming their way. Alexis, by her own admission, had always been a Daddy's Girl and that bond worked both ways.

"Alexis," Ryan sighed, "all these months…why didn't you _say_ anything?"

"Dad wouldn't let me," she said in a low voice. "And I kinda wanted them to get through it on their own. It was their business after all, not mine."

"And now?"

"Now I'm _making _ it my business," Alexis said in a matter-of-fact voice. "Enough is enough."

"So…where do we go from here?" Ryan said.

"_You_ are going back to Beckett. Whatever it is that she needs, my Dad can't be a part of it anymore. Me, I'm going home. Whatever it is Dad needs, Beckett is not it."

"So, it has come to this, has it?" Esposito said quietly.

"It was _always_ going to end this way," Alexis replied. "We should've seen this coming. That we didn't is, I guess, our fault. Yours _and_ mine."

"So… that's it?" Esposito said uncertainly.

"That's it," Alexis replied, with an air of finality that indicated that their conversation was over.

"Guess we'll see you around then," Ryan said as he, Lanie and Esposito stood up to leave. "Take care, Alexis."

Alexis nodded, but didn't reply. She just sat impassive in her chair and watched them walk out of the office, listened to the sound of their footsteps fade away.

Finally the poker face she had been fighting to maintain for so long crumbled. She buried her face in her hands and cried as all the emotions she had been struggling to repress finally burst free.

* * *

><p>"Well, that went <em>just awesome<em>," Esposito said darkly as he collapsed onto Lanie's couch with a beer in hand.

"I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that she punched Beckett in the face," Lanie said shaking her head.

"She must have known that she could get away with it," Esposito said as he took a swig of his beer.

"_What?"_

"There's no way we were going to press charges against her. Even if we did, taking the fact that she's not yet eighteen _and_ the fact that Castle knows a lot of people at City Hall, she could get away fairly lightly. And then again, Beckett didn't visit him on police business. Not _official_ police business anyway. It would raise questions about what she was doing there in the first place. We'd get in serious hot water ourselves, once Alexis spilled the beans on us. And the media stink that it would cause… Alexis was right. The 12th Precinct would become the drama central for the whole NYPD. There's no way Gates is gonna let that happen. What _will_ most likely happen is that the department's lawyers will meet up with Castle's people and they'll quietly terminate the partnership. Castle goes his way, Beckett goes hers."

"Which is exactly what Alexis wants," Ryan finished. "Her rebuttal was straightforward, without pause or hesitation. It was _practiced._ She'd probably gone over the scenario and weighed her options. Maybe even _before_ Beckett went to see Castle."

Lanie's eyes narrowed. "You think Alexis punched Beckett deliberately, just for this?"

Esposito shook his head. "I dunno," he sighed. "Maybe I'm still underestimating her, but I find it difficult to believe that Alexis could be _that_ cold and calculating. I could read a lot of anger off her. A deliberate attack would require a cool head and a lot of nerve. Nah, most likely Beckett said something that set her off and when the impulse came over her she didn't try to rein it in. Everything else just fell into place."

"That doesn't solve our problem though," Lanie reminded him. "So what do we do now?"

"Nothing."

"_Nothing?"_

"Nothing," Esposito repeated. "Because that's all we _can _do. It's out of our hands now. Alexis' mind is made up. Even if we talked to Castle, if he had to choose between his partner and his daughter, no prizes for guessing whom he'll choose."

"But…"

"Lanie give it a rest," Ryan said heavily. "Alexis has got us cornered. She doesn't just control the chessboard, she's rewritten the whole goddam _rulebook_. Alexis was right. We should have seen this coming." He shook his head. "Alexis didn't call us to negotiate a ceasefire. She called us to spell out terms of surrender. To be specific, she called us to spell out _her_ terms for _our _surrender. Its a take it or leave it scenario. She's holding all the cards, so whichever way it goes she gets what she wants. There are no moves left for us to make. There is nothing we can do that she can't counter. We're surrounded and pinned down. And the only way out of this mess is the way she wants us to go."

"But..."

"But nothing," Esposito said, rubbing his face tiredly. "We've all talked to Beckett, and it didn't have any effect. We just talked to Alexis and we probably made it worse. We certainly didn't make it any _better_. Beckett's just going to have to live with the consequences of her actions. Or inactions as the case may be. Either way, there's nothing more we can do. We've got no cards left to play and no moves left to make. Its checkmate. Game over."

Outside the half open front door, Kate stood rooted, her hand on the doorknob and her mind reeling with what she had just heard. Moments ago she had come over to Lanie on an impulse for an impromptu girls' night out. She had found the door ajar and had been about to call out when she heard her name being mentioned. She heard the whole conversation from her position in the doorway. A part of her wanted to storm inside and demand to know exactly what the three of them had done behind her back and why they had been talking to Alexis. Instead she hesitated for a moment and then turned and silently walked away.

* * *

><p><em>Hold on, baby, you're losing it<em>

_The water's high, you're jumping into it_

_And letting go... and no one knows_

_That you cry, but you don't tell anyone_

_That you might not be the golden one_

_And you're tied together with a smile_

_But you're coming undone_

_**Tied together with a Smile**_

_**Taylor Swift**_

* * *

><p><strong>Finally DONE. This chapter was the most difficult to write so far. I had to work on making every dialogue seem like a genuine emotional reaction. As before, constructive criticism are welcome.<strong>

**The article about the fallback guy was taken from IGN. All due credit to the original writer militaryvetrangamer.**

**Next chapter, a chance meeting with an ex boyfriend causes Kate to reevaluate her life.**

**A review for your thoughts?**


End file.
